Have you ever noticed that we tend to ask each other the same questions over and over again? When you're a kid, it's "how's school?" When you're an adult, it's "how's work?" When you're a new parent, it's "how's the baby sleeping?"
Yeeeeah. If everyone could go ahead and stop asking me that, that'd be great. I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend to be all nonchalant about the answer, which is: terribly. It sucks. I feel like my eyeballs are about to fall out. I'm pretty sure the lack of sleep is killing my brain cells and making me stupid. I'm so tired I recently threw my phone in the trash and left for work with a dirty diaper in my hand.
I know my baby has needs, and I'm happy to tend to them no matter the hour. And the little "thanks for rescuing me!" smile every time I pick her up makes it so worth it. But the source of my constant exhaustion definitely isn't my favorite topic. It has a tendency to turn into a postmortem on all the tricks we've tried to get her to sleep better (everything short of Ambien), and it's not super fun for me.
Luckily, I've got plenty of other suggested conversation starters. How about asking me:
- Did you manage to leave the house today?
- Tell me all about that exciting day trip you took to Target.
- Show me the top 50 cutest pictures you took of the baby this week (okay, this morning).
- Have you lost weight? You look skinny.
- Not only do you look skinny, you look hungry. Would you like an entire sleeve of Oreos?
- How did your baby get so cute?
I think if we could stick to these talking points, the chances of me freaking out and flipping a table the next time sleep is brought up would be greatly reduced.
And if none of those work, I've saved the best one for last:
- How about I watch the baby so you can go nap?