That Mommy Lady

Heartfelt Humor and Views on Modern Motherhood

The 10 Things I Most Envy About My Baby's Life

If I could trade lives with my daughter, a la "Freaky Friday," I think I might give it a go. She’s loved and adored by everyone she knows, she has absolutely no responsibilities, and she can sleep as much as she wants (though unfortunately for me, she rarely takes advantage of this sweet perk). She leads a charmed life, and sometimes I almost find myself feeling a wee bit jealous. Here are the top 10 things I envy:

  1. Pants are always optional. If it were socially acceptable for me to go out in bodysuit only, you’d all be getting an eyeful.
  2. Doesn't have to worry about eyebrow maintenance, because she doesn't have any yet. I would save so much money (and pain)!
  3. When people tell her she’s put on weight, they mean it in a nice way. Rolls of chub are “cute” on her but “unseemly” on me? No fair. 
  4. When she drinks too much and passes out, it's a good thing. But I’d probably have the authorities called on me. 
  5. Gets a new wardrobe every season. She has multiple designer outfits hanging in her closet, labels I’ll only ever wear if they do a Target line. 
  6. Someone else does all of her cooking and cleaning. Namely, me. Ugh.
  7. Can stay up all night and still function the next day. Whereas I now have the memory of a goldfish thanks to sleep deprivation. 
  8. Chauffeured everywhere. I am her own personal Uber driver.
  9. Doesn't have to pay any of the hospital bills she racked up being born. She was one expensive baby, but I guess you get what you pay for because she is pretty freakin’ cute. 
  10. Constantly told how beautiful she is. And daddy is getting all the credit!

Sure, being a baby has its drawbacks- I can see how the inability to speak or control your bowel movements would be frustrating- but I think the positives far outweigh the negatives. 


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