That Mommy Lady

Heartfelt Humor and Views on Modern Motherhood

More Stuff I'm Paranoid About

Remember when I said this list would be updated? Yeah, it's time. 

A whole new set of things to worry about has arrived, including: 

  1. That someone is going to break into our apartment and kidnap my baby girl
  2. That she's going to get an ear infection from drinking bottles laying down
  3. That I'm going to trip and fall while holding her 
  4. That the bumpy sidewalks in our neighborhood are going to rattle her brain when I take her out in the stroller
  5. That I'm going to forget to remove one of those maddening plastic tags from her clothes and she's going to choke on it
  6. That she sees ghosts
  7. That she's going to get a hair wrapped around a little finger or toe, leading to an eventual amputation 
  8. That she's going to get cancer from breathing in barbecue smoke 
  9. That she'll get hip dysplasia from her bouncer 
  10. That her mild case of cradle cap is preventing her hair from growing in
  11. That I'm going to break her neck pulling on a onesy 
  12. That I'm going to break her arm trying to get it into a sleeve

Paranoia, though, is a funny thing. It's what sometimes keeps me up at night mulling over how I'd kill a man with my bare hands if one tried to steal my baby. But it can also serve an important purpose. We all used to think that baby powder was great, and then some people got kind of paranoid about it, and now we're finding out maybe our babies shouldn't really be breathing it in, and it might even be causing cancer of the lady parts. What?! Long before those potential issues were on the general public's radar, I bet some paranoid mom was hounding her pediatrician about it. 

While you don't want to drive yourself or anyone else crazy, I think a little paranoia is ultimately a good thing. Yeah, I did install new and better locks on my doors after bringing home a baby. But I've also decided (after much consideration) not to sleep with a meat cleaver on my nightstand to fight off burglars. It's all about balance, right? 

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