I keep telling my baby girl that while I love her endlessly, I would also like her even more if she would just let me sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. Since the day she was born, I can count one hand the number of times that she's slept through the night. Actually, I only need one finger, because it's only happened once. And it was a less satisfying experience than I would have thought, given that I would have done pretty much anything short of drugging her to make it happen. So why wasn't it everything I imagined it would be? Oh, because I spent most of it freaking out.
Here's what was running through my mind when I should have been blissfully asleep:
- Whoa, she's been asleep how long?
- Oh my god, is she breathing?
- Has she fall into a coma?
- Should I poke her?
- Why am I kinda bummed out about this?
- Why do babies grow up so fast?
- How can I miss her right now when a couple of hours ago I was dying for her to go to sleep?
- Is her diaper gonna be a disaster zone when wakes up?
- Is she definitely breathing?
- Is this going to happen again?
- What did I do to make this happen?
- How do I duplicate it?
- This has to be a one-time fluke, doesn't it?
- Did she wake up at some point and I slept through it?
- Or maybe I did wake up and I just don't remember?
- Am I capable of sleep-changing diapers and I had no idea?
- I should be enjoying this more, shouldn't I?
- Why am I awake right now?
Sadly, the answer to number 13 at the moment appears to be yes. But at least now I know what kind of sleep she's capable of, and I'm pretty excited. There seems to be a greater possibility that at some point in the future, I won't feel like a zombie 24/7. Or at least if I do, it'll be more like one of the super scary zombies that run really fast, not the kind that just stagger around. Fingers crossed!