That Mommy Lady

Heartfelt Humor and Views on Modern Motherhood

Paranoia, Thy Name is Mommy: 38 Things to Worry About

Pregnancy was a pretty terrifying 9 months of my life, even if I did enjoy it more than some women. After suffering a miscarriage the first time around, it was hard to shake feeling that I could lose my unborn baby at any moment. I kept telling myself that I'd feel better once I reached a certain point-- after hearing the heartbeat, after the first trimester, after the anatomy scan. It eventually became "after I'm a holding a healthy baby in my arms." 

Could I have been any more naive?! Because giving birth was obviously just the beginning of a long wave of paranoia I now realize will no doubt last until the day I die, and possibly beyond. 

These are a few dozen fears I manage to fit inside my head when it comes to my baby girl:

  1. Every time I take her outside, I'm afraid she'll get sunburn so I keep her covered from head to toe.
  2. Every time I take her outside, I start worrying she'll develop a vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunlight because I keep her covered from head to toe. 
  3. Every time I strap her into her car seat, I worry it's too loose and she'll be seriously hurt if we're in an accident.
  4. Every time I strap her into her car seat, I worry it's too tight and I'm somehow restricting her breathing.
  5. I worry that she'll get a flat head from being placed on her back too much.
  6. I worry that I'm hindering her motor skills by not placing her on her back enough. 
  7. I'm nervous that she sleeps too much during the day.
  8. I'm nervous that she doesn't sleep enough during the day.
  9. I'm stressed out that I might not produce enough breast milk.
  10. I'm stressed out that I might be producing too much breast milk, leaving it nutritionally imbalanced. 
  11. I'm concerned I might be dressing her too warmly at night.
  12. I'm concerned I might not be dressing her warmly enough at night. 
  13. I fear she'll be too clingy as she gets older.
  14. I fear she'll be too independent as she gets older.
  15. I worry she'll miss me too much when I go on a baby-free vacation in November.
  16. I worry she won't miss me at all when I go a baby-free vacation in November.
  17. I think she might be pooping too much.
  18. I think she might not be pooping enough. 
  19. I think I might be putting on her diaper too loosely.
  20. I think I might be putting on her diaper too tightly.
  21. I'm worried I'm bathing her too often, and she'll get dry skin.
  22. I'm worried I'm not bathing her enough, and she'll get skin problems from being dirty.
  23. I'm afraid she'll be exposed to germs and get sick.
  24. I'm afraid not being exposed to germs will leave with her an underdeveloped immune system.  
  25. I think I worry too much about her reaching milestones on time.
  26. I think I might be too laid back about her reaching milestones on time, so I might overlook a problem. 
  27. I'm afraid she cries too much because something is hurting her. 
  28. I'm afraid she doesn't cry enough because she has that weird disorder where she can't feel pain. 
  29. I'm scared to give her a pacifier too often and have her become dependent on it.
  30. I'm scared not giving her a pacifier often enough will leave her tense and unable to soothe herself. 
  31. I'm worried I'm not cleaning her lady parts as thoroughly as I should be, and she'll get some sort of infection.
  32. I'm worried I'm cleaning her lady parts more thoroughly than I should be, and she'll get some sort of infection.
  33. I'm afraid I'll spread my germs to her if I don't wash and sanitize my hands all the time.
  34. I'm afraid I'll wash my hands with something too strong, and it'll rub off on her skin. 
  35. I'm nervous she'll get a diaper rash if I don't use enough Vaseline on her butt.
  36. I'm nervous she'll have some weird skin disorder because I use too much Vaseline on her butt.
  37. I'm worried that I'm not living in the moment because I'm too busy taking pictures.
  38. I'm worried that I won't remember the small, special moments because I'm not taking enough pictures. 

This list will obviously be updated. Many, many times. 

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